BUILD SELF CONFIDANCE #2

  You're always making this comparison with people whoare just like you - people who come from the same educational background, samefirm, same environment or people who move around in the same circle, which is also anindication that you're not dreaming that big. The temptation to draw comparisonsis all around us. The proliferation of the internet and social media has turnedjealousy into a modern-day obsession. 

We are part of an ongoing social experimentcalled the social media. Social media is the easiest breeding ground for jealousy.This is the platform where people document the best moments of their lives.Or if not the best, they make it their life's mission to make their lives lookexciting. But deep inside are as hollow as the people watching them and doubtingtheir own lifestyles. Social media is practically designed to make similarpeople compare themselves to others.

 You laugh at the idiots but envy the oneswho got what you don't. So whenever I feel jealous of someone else's successor body or intelligence I remind myself: what reaction is going to help meachieve what I want? Internalising this envy asinsecurity or as inspiration? I don't know about you, but I likefeeling inspired, a hell of a lot more than I do feeling insecure!! And what'swonderful is that when you do feel inspired by someone else's success, thenext natural question is well- how do they get there? What can I do that theydid to get where they are? 

Versus if you let your jealousy fester into resentment.Yeah whatever?!! I'm sure, she just got lucky or headlightconnections or something. You dismiss their success without ever exploring themethods of how they achieved it. So when you feel jealous, and we all do, you havea choice: You can let that jealousy make you feel like you're not good enough oryou can turn it into ambition. Invincible people have a control on how they mustfeel. Their 'feeling good'  factor is not entirely controlled by their outer world.But is controlled by their inner world. Remember that nobody can make you feelbad without your permission. Even if the people around you try hard to make youfeel bad on the inside; look within yourself and check your inner scorecard.Real action follows thinking and feeling and it's self-confidence that triggersaction.

 You embrace a sense of destiny when you have a strong purpose backed by astrong will and confidence.  You see, confidences is both a feeling, and action. Confidence is a feeling of certainty and assurance.Confidence is also an act of trust and reliance. Self-confidence is a powerfulemotion of being in control, a lack of self-doubt, a sense of feeling cool underpressure, and it's also a belief that you feel that, you can perform very well, andachieve a positive outcome under any circumstances. 

Self-confidence is alsothe ability to act despite fears and transcends the mere feeling part of it.It's important to know that it's an art that can be developed by anybody.According to Dr. Russ Harris, the author of the book THE CONFIDENCE GAP, there arefive reasons why people lack confidence. One: Too many expectations. When you havea mind that is never satisfied and always demanding to conquer more quests,but also fearful of making mistakes and become self-critical on not meetingexpectations, you suffer from perfectionism and it diminishes yourself-confidence. Two: Harsh self judgment. When your inner voice becomes highlycritical of you and undermines you into thinking that you are not good enough ortalk you out of your plans and dreams, your mind is playing with caution tostop you from doing something. It's natural to feel that way. Even the mosttalented people feel at times that they are not talented enough. Sometimes youwill suffer from an IMPOSTER SYNDROME, where your mind manages to convince youthat you're not really good and at any moment now your facade will come off.When you feel like an impostor, your mind is telling you that you need to workhard on something, to stay in the game. 

These feelings can be shut off withutmost resolve and confidence and belief in self.  Three: Preoccupation with fear. Fearis a natural human emotion that helps us with proper functioning of sympatheticnervous system that works on our fight-or-flight mode. Fear in itselfdoes not affect your confidence but dwelling in fear can paralyze you. Themore you feed into these fears, the larger it becomes- like a monster whichis set to annihilate everything in your life.Four:  Lack of experience. If you've had little or no experience in doingsomething, you can't expect to feel confident about it. You might be anexcellent guitar player but if you've never had the experience of playing livebefore a huge audience, then the first few gigs might be busts and you'rehighly unlikely to feel confident on stage.  Five: Lack of skills. It's notnatural to feel confident about doing something unless we are reasonably goodat doing it. Having poor skills or no skills can make you withdraw fromopportunities when they are presented to you. You can improve your confidence justlike any other skillset. Some people believe that just feeling confident cando wonders and their confidence is built on their belief. For others, it goesbeyond the mere belief.Their confidence is based on the ability to do something,and it is measured on how they rate their ability to achieve it.

Therefore self confidence can be improved in two ways. ONE. You have towork on your belief system by brainwashing yourself into believingthat you can do it even if you can't. This approach might work for somesituations but fails big-time when the feelings alone can't amount to success.There is a huge difference between 'feeling able' and 'being able'. Best-sellingauthor Dr.Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic in his book CONFIDENCE asserts thatconfidence and competence is well connected. According to him Barack Obamadid not become the first black president in US history because he was confident.Sir Richard Branson the founder of Virgin did not establish 400 companiesbecause of his confidence. Madonna did not sell 300 million records because ofher self belief, and Michael Jordan, Muhammad Ali, and Roger Federer did notachieve total domination in the sports arena because they felt good aboutthemselves. 

The reason these exceptional achievershave confidence is because they are exceptionally competent. It takes anextraordinary amount of talent and even more hard work to attain such levels ofcompetence. In fact, the only unusual thing about these people's confidence isthat it is an accurate reflection of their competence. This sets them apartfrom the majority of confident people who are just not verycompetent. You know psychologists often call the 'Confidence - Competence Loop'. Asyou become more competent in something, you learn how to do it. 

You're moreconfident in doing. As you learn how to ride a bike and you rode the bike moreand more and more, you became more skilled at it. You develop moreconfidence in your ability to ride the bike. Any area of your life you're gonnago into the for the first time, be okay with being uncertain!. Be okay with beinguncomfortable!. Be okay with not knowing how it's gonna turn out. Because it'syour first time, but stumble into it anyway. Because you stumble into it youdevelop skill. You develop comfort with it. And then suddenly one day you wake upsaying I'm pretty confident doing this. Nothing changed in who you are. Whatchanges is your level of competency, knowledge, skill and ability. That's whatcompetency is. Knowledge, skill, ability and talent. And so when we finallyrealized 'Oh wow!, I just need to learn a little bit more here. I'll be moreconfident. I just need to apply this a little bit more here, I'll be moreconfident. As you develop skills and abilities in your life in your uniqueareas you become more confident. 

There is a correlation between competence andconfidence. Ironically, people who appear to be highly confident are lesscompetent!!. There is a reason behind this: Most people are biased to think thatthey are better than average. Even hypothetically, we tend to show ouroverconfidence. Psychologists call it as THE OVER CONFIDENCE EFFECT. In surveys 84%of Frenchmen estimate that they are above-average lovers. In another survey93% of the US students estimated to be above-average drivers. Sometimes when Igive a presentation on my book I ask the audience, compared to the average personhere do you see yourself as an above-average safe car driver or belowaverage safe car driver. People raise their hands the result is always thesame. 90% of the people consider themselves above average. Realisticallyit should be 50/50 because the average more precisely the meaning is in themiddle. This many people in the audience overestimate their driving skills. Thisis called' the overconfidence effect'.

 There's no balancing under confidenceeffect. People just tend to systematically overestimate their skillsand knowledge. Not to underestimate them. You may not be surprised that men aremore prone to overconfidence than women. Now women overestimate their knowledgeand skills too but less strongly than men. Even more troubling, optimists arenot the only victims of overconfidence even pessimists overate themselvesjust less. In fact entrepreneurial activity would be a lot lower, if theoverconfidence effect did not exist. And so many of the decisions that peoplemake especially starting new businesses, I mean that is where it'sbeen studied most extensively. People think they will succeed. They open arestaurant because they think they will succeed. But in fact less than a third ofsmall businesses, they'll survive for five years.So clearly overconfidence is rife and overconfidence and loss aversion seem tobe acting in opposite directions. 

Bottom line humans have a tendency tooverestimate themselves. Most people overestimate their ability to perform,dismiss negative feedback as inaccurate and end up doing much worse. If you watchAmerican Idol or any talent show on television, you can see countless peoplewho have a distorted view of themselves and they appear very confident oftenlacking the real competence to be there in the first place. High confidence canmask low competence. 

Also people who appear to be very confident think thatthey are competent. When they blindly assume that level of perfection forthemselves they stop working on improving themselves. On the other handlow confidence helps you see your weaknesses and motivates you to overcomethem. It's better to have realistic self knowledge than distorted self belief, sothat you will know what you need to work on to get better. If you lack confidencein your abilities you'll be motivated to work harder for what you want to achieveand you'll be more likely to increase your competence as a result. The point isthat high confidence can be a curse because it can stop you from improvingsays Dr. Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic. What happens when you're competent but lackconfidence. 

Now, if you study the lives of many professional athletes, to accomplishedachievers,  to millionaire entrepreneurs; you see that they lacked confidence. Soto gain confidence they needed to perfect their craft to a level of mastery.They had to really work hard to become competent. And if you study that processthen you will realize that; that's how they became exceptional achievers in thefirst place. One thing that high achievers have incommon is that they self-medicate their insecurities with success. Indeedalthough we are repeatedly told that exceptional achievers owe their successto their high confidence or self belief, it is more feasible to attribute it totheir insecurities.

 Why else would anybody work so hard and continue to doso even after accomplishing much more than most people. In that sense, one couldargue that the only difference between successful and unsuccessful people isthat the former care much more about their insecurities. So they are driven towork hard to overcome them. And the key point is that they work not on theirinsecurities but on achieving big things. The eminent psychologist Albert Bandurafamous for coining the term 'self-efficacy' which has been thepreferred academic word for self-confidence since the 1980s, alsopostulated that high competence leads to high confidence. So how do you feel aboutyour confidence level? Where do you gain your confidence from? Do you naturallyhave confidence? Well many of us get confidence either naturally, becausethat's kind of who we are or we build our confidence through different ways.One of those ways to build your confidence for some people is throughcompetence. 

So when you think about the difference between competence andconfidence: confidence is really about understanding- right understanding askill,  understanding a task and what it takes, and and knowing that you can bemaybe an expert or you can master something; because you're comfortablewith content, the knowledge, or the skill onhow to do it. So we think about competence, that we think about how do weget better at competence. Sometimes competence is a natural thing. But manytimes competence is like a skill that we learn. And so when you think aboutcompetence, think about something -  maybe like, when you jump into things quickly,you might feel more competent because you know how to do it. When you don'tjump in, you probably feel like you don't have the competence. So think back maybewhen you were younger and maybe just getting in started into sports andtrying a few different things and going okay I'm gonna first either you knowstep back because I really don't know how to play baseball or I really don'tknow how to play soccer I don't have the competence in this the actual sport toknow what I need to be doing.

 And you think about how did you respond to that.Did you respond to that by jumping in? Because you're like 'hey I'm willing andready to learn' which that's more about a confidence right- that you haveconfidence in yourself that when you get into something you can kind of figure itout. Where competence is really ' I don't know'. And so when you really think 'Goshhow do I approach things, what probably depends on the content right!,  for some ofus that content is comfortable, and when it's comfortable, we build our confidencewith that competence together.  Talk about this idea of 'the competence - confidenceloop' and the fact that confidence so often is based on our competence in aparticular skill or familiarity with that situation. The more comfortable weare, of course we're going to be more confident,  because we know we can perform.There's less uncertainty and then that confidence allows us to take action andpractice to develop more competence. And of course when we're starting at wedon't have very much competence, so to speak and so it makes sense that wewould feel less confidence. And so the challenge is that,  well how do weactually gain the confidence, to be able to start practicing-  to build competence.

And the answer really is in changing our expectation, that things are supposed tobe comfortable when we first start out. And challenging that belief that I needto get to a place where I'm comfortable and I'm not feeling anxious before Itake that first step. The secret to developing true confidenceis really understanding that we get to become comfortable with beinguncomfortable. To back to the idea of that loop, if we can't be confident inour competence, at the very least we should be able to be confidence in ourability to move through fear. To take action despite any discomfort. So that we canstart building competence that can reinforce our confidence in that area.And that ability to really be comfortable while being uncomfortable issomething I wish was taught way earlier if at all even. Because it's a skill thatcan be applied to any area of life. Towards any new skill or unfamiliarsituation that we encounter later on. The key is this: being dissatisfied withyourself is the best reason for wanting to improve. Having a little self doubtcan actually help you improve, and get better at your craft; but fakingconfidence without competence can expose your lack of skills someday. 

So if you'rebalancing your confidence with competence, stay hungry for more competence andskills rather than just looking confident. The bottom line is you gain confidencefrom competence. But when it comes to performance, whether it is in sport,business, or stage performance; you need confidence. Every great performance hasthree phases of performance. The pre- performance phase, the performance phase,and the post-performance response phase. In the pre-performance phase, yourconfidence will emanate from your competency, skills and previousexperience. For example, if you have spoken in front of an audience before,and if you possess great oratory skills, you will set the stage on fire, yet again with your words. 

The performance phase is about giving yourbest. And to give your best you need to constantly improve and to work on yourcompetencies and skills. Deliberate practice helps you build this kind ofconfidence. Confidence in the post- performance response phase is the realtest of confidence. At this phase, you need the confidence to handleconsequences both favorable and unfavorable. You must possess theabilities to handle rejections, failures and criticism that will be thrown at youwithout your consent. The real confidence is in dealing withthe consequences whether it's success or failure that comes after each action. Inbuilding confidence we must choose to live our life like a daring adventure, to step out of the comfort zone, to grow and explore and face newer challenges.Remember the only difference between confidence and lack of confidence isaction. See, action is the cure for low confidence. Infact,  low confidence has a tendency to immobilize us. But when you haveconfidence, we act, we venture, we plunge as though it is impossible for us to fail. Weact despite the fears. Being able is the action part of the confidence. Thereforeit is important to ask questions like- what is that one thing you dream of? ordare to do if you know that you won't fail?Remember confidence gives us the power to be invincible. From feeling to action,it must become a realistic belief. When you start believing yourself it becomesself-confidence.

 When you start believing in other people it becomes trust, honorand respect. When other people start believing in you; you become a trueleader. You become a beacon of hope, a symbol of your invincible self. Youhave been introduced to various self concepts that can help you build a greatinvincible personality. There's always a gap between your current self and yourfuture self. Your future self is your 'ideal self.'  Some people are clear abouttheir 'ideal self'. So the set plans, they have goals, they have schemes, and theyengage every day chasing their ideal self.When Matthew McConaughey won an Oscar for Best Actor in 2014, he gave anacceptance speech about 'who he looks up to', 'what he looks forward to', and 'who hechases - his hero. He said "when I was 15 years old, I had a very important personin my life come and ask me - who's your hero?" I said "I thought about it and it'sme in 10 years". So I turned to 25, ten years later and that same person comesto me and goes "Are you a hero?" I said " not even close. She said why? and Isaid "my hero is me at 35". You see every day, and every week, and every month, andevery year of my life, my hero is always 10 years away. 

I'm never going to be myhero. I'm not going to obtain that and that'sfine with me. Because it keeps me with somebody to keep on chasing". Actuallyinvincibility is embracing your self-ideal whether that's self ideal is 10years from now or 20 years from now, we are all in this pursuit,  we are all inthis chase for a better future for ourselves.  So here is the key. Tounderstand your self-ideal, with more clarity; you need to understand it'sdifferences from your current self.  Here is a simple step that you can follow.Step number one: is to understand your current self - to know who you are andwhere you are right now. Step number two is understanding your ideal self, who youwant to become and when you want to become that person. The third step is toknow the gap between the two.

 And the fourth step is to bridge that gap bybecoming the person that you want it to be, which is your ideal self and act likethat person right now. See when you act like  the person thatyou want to become, you end up becoming the person that you always wanted to be.So invincibility is about understanding the vision about yourselfand having the clarity about that person- that the person of the future- theperson of yourself ideal, and behave like that person, when you believe like thatperson, when you act like that person, when you talk like that person and when youincorporate all the qualities of that person in the present sense, you end upbecoming the person that you want to become.You become your self ideal. That's how personal transformations aredone. That's how people change.

 That's how people become invincible. When you checkon your current self you get clarity on your current mindset, habits, environment,goals, and focus. Your ideal self will require a change in the mindset, habits,environment, goals and focus. For example in your current mindset youhave specific thought patterns, beliefs, attitudes, and values that are differentfrom your ideal self. The same goes for habits. There are certain habits in dailyrituals that are required to achieve your ideal self.  Your environment andliving circumstances do change over time but conscious changes and improvementscan be done to reach your ideal self. Similarly, to set new goals, plans andprojects, to get to where you want to go, the focus, priorities, and time managementalso requires a lot of revisions to fill the gap between your current self andthe self ideal. Identifying the gap and filling the gap is a conscious,deliberate choice of personal change that will give you the desired results.Over time this is how personal transformations are done by makingconscious changes in your thinking, behaviors, habits, and focus day after dayuntil you become what you want to become. For the vast majority of us, confidenceis a choice. It's what we do during the course of our lives.

 It comes from doinghard things, taking on challenges, risking and failing, going outside our comfortzones. And every time you do something like that, you build a little bit ofconfidence. The personality has other dimensions as well. It's how you want theworld to perceive you as well. You will work on building a better outerscorecard as well. You will look the part. An invincibleperson radiates confidence, when he or she walks into a room. People notice them.They will look the part and will dress the part. You need to command attention,not by making yourself look important; but making your presence felt. Yourpersonal energy and magnetism must radiate around you.

 You are lively,empathetic, kind and genuine. You are a source of infectious energy. People loveto flock to you, stay around you, and will miss your presence; when you're notaround. When you speak, others listen. You pay attention to others by respectingothers, and your humility will dwarf others around you. You treat others well, and others respect you well. One of the biggest signs of beinginvincible is, you know, being larger than your problem. When you've become, biggerthan your problems presented, you become the solution. You will not panic or getoverwhelmed, or act helpless when a problem is presented to you. Rather you willstart analyzing the situation and get to the root of the problem, and will findall the resources possible to solve it. You are resilient.  You are dependable.People will come to you for solutions. Because they also know that, nothing inthis world can break your spirit. 

You gain invincibility through self-acceptance.You accept who you are with your strengths and shortcomings. You have asense of certainty, that no matter what the obstacles are; you are going to reachyour goals. You will not be bothered by what people say about you, because whatyou think about yourself and your inner scorecard matters the most.  You willaccept criticism constructively. You will analyze it and take the best out of whatthe world throws at you. You will take each day as an opportunity to discovermore about what you can become. When there are disappointments, you will workon better strategies to meet the expected outcome.

 You will see everythingwith the eyes of an optimist and you will work hard every day to make yourdreams a reality. You my friend, have an unshakable spirit that is hidden insideyou. Do not let that spirit reduce to mediocrity. Stay motivated, to raise thebar. Go for the next milestone in your life. You are a being, that is constantlyevolving and becoming.

 Become the person that your heart desires the most.Challenge yourself each day to move away from your current self to embrace yourideal self. Break your comforts by choosing the path of the most resistance.Have the courage to make bold decisions. Conquer your fears by doing things thatyou are uncomfortable with. Remember you are made invincible. You just need torecognize that and let go of everything that stops you from being invincible. 

BUILD SELF CONFIDANCE #1

 We humans are crafted in a delicatemanner but also are infused with amidst vigor but still there are moments whenwe find our heads underwater. Many people crumble under pressure somemay even break down and fall into the trap of self-pity and loathe holding onto a narrative that the odds are stacked against them. But there are exceptionalindividuals who can see the beauty in their darkest moments. They can recalltheir struggles and pain as something that made them stronger and invincible. Throughout history we have witnessedcertain individuals who are strong-willed tenacious and resilientpossessing unshakable grit and confidence. 

These people are not bornthis way they have fallen a lot of times and gotten back on their feet whichcultivated an ability to deal with things in a better way. They choose toremain unaffected and indifferent to the negative opinions and criticisms thatare thrown at them by people rejections and failures. They have the uncanny lifeskill to deal with the inevitable circumstances of adversity extremechallenges and uncertainties of life. They lead of life on their terms. Theyhave a mastery over their external circumstances because they have a stronginternal mindset to master their environments. Let's call them theinvincible. 

This documentary is about dealing with fear, cultivating confidencein yourself, and helping you master your environment so that you too can developa quality of persistence of continuing resolutely despite setbacks andadversities in life. Being invincible and confident is not the absence of fear.Invincibility is about transforming a relationship with fear. Fear is not theenemy. The feeling of fear is just like any other emotion. Fear is actuallyinforming you; fear is telling you that you need to do something either do moreresearch get some support, get some insight, study a little more, slow down-fear is actually feeding you. So then ask yourself the question what do I need todo, think, or go get to dissipate this fear. And then secondly recognize thatfear doesn't mean STOP!. People think Oh!! I'm afraid, let me stop. Okay that's achoice to stop.

 Fear doesn't necessarily mean stop. Fear might mean proceed withcaution, or proceed with more strategy. Fear doesn't, whenever I'm feeling fearit doesn't tell me. So I don't you think now to stop with a fear. I do think toslow down, go get some help, go get some insight.Voice my fear so that it's not  just all in my head.Recognize that fear is going to come in; when you're playing bigger than you'veever played before. I say if your knees aren't knocking and your teeth aren'tchattering, just a little at least then you're not playing big enough. The biggeryou play, the more you're gonna feel your knees knock and you hear your teeth chatter. 

 And I am always playing big I'm always feeling my knees knock. AndI'm always hearing my teeth chatter. But I've created a relationship with thatfear. Every culture demonizes fear as a major sign of weakness especially in men.They depict great men of courage as people who are fearless this gives us adelusional idea that confident people don't experience fear. As kids we getconditioned into thinking that feeling frightened is silly and stupid. Maybe atsome part of your early life you've been called a crybaby or heard taunts likeboys don't cry, or don't be a sissy. These taunts are powerfully reinforcedby our pop culture. Also we see heroes and superheroes who are fearless in theface of the villains. We see  these heroes laid back with a straight andconfident face even when the villains point a gun at them.Ccourage is glorifiedin movies and puts it on such a pedestal which makes one feel that feelinganything less than that is being less of a real-life hero.

 So fear is despised assomething we should never feel in our lives, while its omnipresent residing inevery living man and in every step he takes. Fear is a powerful tool. It's apowerful fuel that makes us human. We don't succeed despite fear; we succeed inthe face of it, and by conquering it, rather than by avoiding or ignoring it.Invincibility is a strength of character. We develop this through our self ideals.Your self ideal is a combination of the qualities and attributes that you admiremost in other people living and dead. It is the sum of all your dominantaspirations. It is your vision of what the perfect person should be. It is yourvision of your future self. 

Your self ideal is what you dream about yourself.It's the dream self, who you want to mould and develop into. But self image is whatyou think about yourself. It's the sum of your current self.Between your current self and your future self, there is a gap that you tendto fill through your growth journey. To put that in perspective- 'we are not justhuman beings, but human becomings'. We all tend to pursue our ideal self. There aretwo people within us: one of them is who we are which is your self image, and theother one is who we want to become- which is your self ideal. 

To understand selfconcepts further, you need to also understand both the 'self esteem' and 'selfconfidence'. Self esteem is how you feel about yourself. Self confidence is whatyou do. Invincible people envision an ideal life. They also possess a positiveself-image. Their self esteem and confidence help them move forward andconquer any challenges. Therefore you become an invincible person; when youbegin to think, feel, and act like one. To become invincible you need to be aperson with a mission. The purpose in life gives you the directions, and yourinner compass guides you. But first to understand invincibility you need toaccept that the real hero in your life is YOU.  It is not the ones you see inthat idiot box of yours or in the theatres who are fabricated toperfection.

 You are the hero. And your life is yourstory. You script it with your aspirations and dreams. And once you'repassionate enough you take action irrespective of what may come your way.You persist because you need to complete your journey. You have the power andnothing has more power over you. To become invincible you need to becomethe person with a mission. You need to feel A SENSE OF DESTINY  that is callingout for you. When purpose is awakened in your soul, life becomes meaningful andfulfilling. The long term optimism of invincible people is unshakable nomatter how many speed breakers they hit. They have a deep enough faith a sense ofdestiny and that is very much the foundation of being invincible. Here theyknow for the fact that no matter what happens, no matter what the obstacles are,they gonna achieve the outcome eventually. Being invincible can help youovercome any kind of adversities, self-doubt lack of motivation, cynicism,pessimism, criticism or contempt. People who lack this they feel that, there'snothing in their control. 

They feel like the victims of circumstances and theyalso have a very negative and pessimistic outlook towards their lives.Another nickel you want in your pocket to become invincible is having a greatself image. Self image is the way you think and perceive yourself. Do you knowthat you have an image of yourself inside?. When you stand in front of amirror, you see a reflection of the physical you. Now that's not the real you.You have a picture of yourself in your mind. Do you know when a person improvestheir self-image, they change their entire life. Their income change. Theirrelationships change. Their health changes. And you know how you do that?Start studying you!!. Start to find out more about you. There's somethingphenomenal about you. 

Do you know when I began to study this material 57 yearsago. I had very poor self-image. I had low self-esteem.I took dumb jobs. I never earned any money. I never had fun. I had poorrelationships. And as I started to study- start to study real solid information;everything in my life started to improve. I've got friends all over the worldtoday. I earned millions of dollars. I'm in my 80s and I get as much energy as aperson in their 30s. You see when you start to understand really who you are!.You're God's highest form of creation. There's things about you that just aboutblow your mind as you start to study and really understand them. You'll walk alittle taller you'll stand a little straighter, and youknow something - you'll enjoy a whole lot more of life. You can have a healthyself-image or an unhealthy self-image. But what is more important for personaldevelopment is a realistic representation of you with all yourstrengths and weaknesses. Self Image acts like an inner reflection or a mirror, orwhat you choose to see in yourself.It is developed by the conversation that youhave with yourself when nobody's around - just you and your being.

 What do youthink about your self matters, and it is influenced by everything that envelopsyou. You know; it is said that people are made up of the people they meet and thebooks they read. So, in your inner conversations - in your inner dialogue,you could be talking to yourself like a coach - like every time trying to give youthe words of encouragement or giving a pat on your back, every time you achievea goal. Or you can have a conversation like a nagging critic - constantly trying tobadger your self-esteem- "that you're not good enough", " you have messed that up". Andthose kinds of conversation. Because your self-image matters. Because you radiatein the outside world what you think about yourself. One thing that can bemore tangible about self-image is the concept of inner scorecard. We all havean inner scorecard and an outer scorecard. The inner scorecard is abouthow we measure ourselves and the outer scorecard is how others measure us.

Warren Buffett puts it like this: 'Would you rather be theworld's greatest lover but have everyone think you're the world's worst lover' orwould you rather be the world's worst lover but have everyone think you're theworld's greatest lover'. In doing so Buffett outlines one of the ideas mostvital to leading a good life- the difference between an inner scorecardand an outer scorecard. Which matters more to you? How you evaluate yourself orhow the outside world evaluates you? Well in most cases, one can say that whatothers think of you is none of your business, and what you think aboutyourself must be your real concern. But what's wrong in having the best of bothworlds. Since the outer world is a direct reflection of what is going on inside us,the scorecard begins with our mind. If you want others to value you highly, youmust first begin to value yourself the same way as you radiate what you think.The scorecard is about your self expression of who we are on the deepinside. You don't live to impress people; but to express yourself in all wayspossible. To deal with a positive inner scorecard, you must learn to use your innercritic constructively. You must assume 100% responsibility for your thinking,and actions. Psychologists agree that people who have an 'internal locus ofcontrol' tend to be less influenced by the opinions of others, and work hard toachieve the things they want, and often achieve greater success in the workplace.Now maintaining a positive self-image is a deliberate exercise.

 You know it'snatural to think about things that are negative. It is natural to think aboutwhat is missing in life. It's very common to whine aboard things. So how do wethink positive? How do we stay in a state of mind, where you get to have positivethoughts. One of the best ways to do that is to substitute negative thoughts withpositive ones- instead of just suppressing negative thought.Suppression doesn't help, okay what is SUPPRESSEDwill be EXPRESSED in the later in UGLIER WAYS - that's what it's been said. So thebest thing is to think about things that is going great with your life - I call itthe ASSET BASED THINKING. Look at what is going great with your life at themoment. Think about things that you can be grateful for. Make a list of thingsthat you can be grateful for. Cultivate an attitude of gratitude. Making agratitude list every day is a healthy habit to get you focused on yourblessings. This is not wishful positive thinking. This is pure asset basedthinking. When you feel grateful for something, you are automatically focusingon your assets rather than liabilities. You begin your day by counting theblessings rather than focusing on what is missing in life. 

Now many people findthat it requires great diligence to cultivate an attitude of appreciation. Weare culturally conditioned to focus on what we don't have,rather than appreciating what we've already received. Now it's important thatyou always take the time to appreciate even the smallest blessings. It'simportant to activate your gratitude by acknowledging the gifts most people takefor granted. Now if you had food in your refrigerator, clothes in your closet, anda roof over your head, you were better off than 75 percent of the world'spopulation. Almost half the world over 3 billion people live on less than 2dollars and 50 cents a day and at least 80 percent of humanity lives on lessthan $10 a day. If you eat three meals a day you're far better off than the 1billion people on the planet who eat once a day at most. So take time toappreciate and celebrate these simple blessings. A daily habit of writingthings that you are grateful for shifts you are thinking from negativereflection of life to positive reflection. It's easier to get triggeredby negativity when there is within you. You know, having a calm and relaxedmind can help you stay relaxed and composed when people are trying to getonto your nerves. People with a positive self-image, they live their liferationally and objectively unlike the people who suck into thedrama tend to live their life emotionally and subjectively, being verysubjected to their external environment. People who have a great self-image do nottake the external negative environment to become their mindset - to become theirinternal environment. 

They are in charge of their internal environment. And thereis people who feed, who constantly feeding negativity, people are constantly feedingdrama, these people don't pay any attention. They are focused. They'recomposed and they're calm. And they're also well connected with people who arejust like them, who just believe in mutual empowerment. Always remember what youthink about yourself is what you bring about. Your face is the reflection of theconversation that you have with yourself. So if you want to be cheerful, entertainhappy thoughts. You are the creator so choose the thoughts that have the powerto empower you. If self image is what you think about yourself, then self esteem ishow you feel about yourself. And our self esteem is constantly attacked like aweakest player in a game and it's seem very low among the adolecsents today.This is because we have just like any other fragile beings who are constantlyjudging, constantly evaluating our progress every day. We feel good andexcited and we feel elated when things go according to our way - when we meetour expectations. And we feel extremely bad and disappointed when things don't go our way. Self-esteem is your vibrational andemotional state of being. Your mental state is determined by what you thinkand how you feel about it. Whether it's about what happened, or what is happening,or what would happen; this state is also determined by your surroundings, with thepeople you associate with and the circumstances you live in.We are constantly reacting and responding to our environment. We getstimulated and we respond to our stimuli- the responses.Our environment has a major impact on us. 

The environment determines how we mustfeel. But when the environment is not good or supportive; invincible peoplework on creating better environment for themselves. We are now living in a socialenvironment. Our feelings are entangle in this web of life. Every day we areabsorbing information through breaking news and social media. As a response to whatis happening around us, whether it is political, or economical, or theexploitation of the weak, we often feel anxious, helpless andangry. So if the evening news makes you anxious, it's better to turn off thetelevision. One of the major killers of thefeel-good factor is jealousy. Comparison is that thief of joy. It robs everythingyou admire about yourself and throws you into a pit of insecurity. It's humannature to feel envious, when you encounter successful people. But peoplewho are invincible admire successful people. If they see a rich man with afancy car, they will tell themselves that soon they will also have a car like that.This is so as they have wired themselves to scrape out something good ineverything, so they take this moment to manifest the car for themselves. You havegot to first, and fundamentally believe; that there is success, happiness, money,riches, possibility for everybody. 

There's enough for everybody; that nobody's incompetition with you. And that in fact- when you see somebody that has somethingthat you desire; you should be happy. You want to know why? You should be happybecause it's a sign that it's possible. It's a sign that it'scoming to you. It's a sign that you're on your way. If you allow envy to creep in;you have now aligned your life with the belief that there's not enough to goaround. You need to stop that right now. See, social creatures tend to live incomparison and the more we compare ourselves with the others, the greaterthe danger of jealousy. See comparison is the thief of joy.

 And here's a thing withenvy or being jealous, we tend to be envious of people were just like us -people who come from the same background, same career, same environment.It's like sportsman compare themselves with sportsmen. Actors with actors. Top executives compare themselves with other top executives from other companies.Youtubers with youtubers. See, you are not feeling jealous or you're comparingyourself with the Pope or you're not feeling jealous with the lifestyle ofthe Queen of England.